AHH – you finally brought home the puppy of your dreams! The sun seems to shine brighter, the flowers seem to bloom earlier, and of course, your home seems more like home. Nothing could be better.
Then, a few days pass and slowly your puppy becomes more comfortable at home. Suddenly you realize that underneath the cuddly appearance and deliciously cornchip-scented paws is an enormous buttface. A buttface that is now your baby – to be raised and cared for with all your heart.
Of course, this isn’t always the case. But it definitely is the case with my pup, Donut. If you’re unsure of whether your pup is a buttface or not, feel free to diagnose the situation with the following:
1. There are a million toys strewn around the house, but your pup’s toy of choice is underwear.
And glasses, slippers, hats, sweaters, necklaces, pajamas, keys, toilet paper…
2. No matter the conditions, relieving your pup turns into a 45-minute odyssey for the perfect urine-offering patch.
To be fair, how would your dog know it was the absolute best patch around without investigating every single one in the neighborhood, even in the dead of winter?
3. There always seems to be a constant ominous presence around the home.
But you can’t quite put your finger on what it is…
4. Your dog has a natural troll face, since birth.
And he hasn’t even seen the internet memes.
5. Paying too much attention to your laptop? Time for your pup to lie down all over it!
Then your emails look like “th1938x73lk[AW=-IS.”
6. Your pup has a legitimate addiction to things he shouldn’t be eating.
“What fluff?? It wasn’t me!”
7. Elevator rides become extremely uncomfortable staring contests with strangers, where your dog always wins.
“Does my stare make you uncomfortable? Do I care? What’s wrong with YOUR face?”
8. When your pup wants attention, he goes immediately to his most hated behavior… like jumping into moving boxes you’re trying to pack.
And scouring the counters when you’re cooking. And chewing shoes when he feels like it. And stealing food always. And pretty much anything, as long as it’s not sitting still.
9. Your pup firmly believes “No!” means “keep doing whatever you’re doing repeatedly!”
“Want me to stop? COME AND FIND ME!”
10. Your pup knowingly makes trouble, and when he does, he’s staring directly at you…
…and when your eyes meet, he knows he’s won.
11. When you hold your dog in the mirror, you see 2 buttfaces staring right back.
It’s true what they say about dogs being a reflection of their parents. If you look in the mirror and realize that you’re a buttface too, that’s probably where your pup picked it up! Now hold your tongue and say this: “The apple never falls far from the tree!”
For more of Donut’s shenanigans, check out his Instagram: @donutmeister.