Let’s be honest, there are people who have dogs, and then there are DOG PEOPLE. Dog people think about dogs as often as men think about sex. So like, all the time basically.
No, not puppy napping. We’re talking about PUPPY STALKING.
Maybe it’s doge envy. Maybe you just had a great experience as a kid and then that love overflowed into stalkerish territory. Maybe you’re practicing to be a covert agent for the PIA (puppy intelligence agency).
Who knows why? Doesn’t matter if you already HAVE your own pup. It’s just this awful, awful sickness you never want cured.
Therefore, in case you can’t tell if the lines between ruv and pup-veillance have blurred, here are 15 signs you’re a total frickin’ puppy stalker.
1. When you see a cute dog on the street, you follow them…
…for the rest of their walk.
2. You not only know every single dog instagram ever…
…you’ve photobombed some of them.
3. You’re the person that spouts off useless knowledge about dogs at whim.
And then find an IRL version RIGHT THEN just to prove your point.
4. There are dogs in your neighborhood that follow YOU.
Because you’ve seduced them with treats behind their pup parents’ backs.
5. You know every single dog’s name within a 10-mile radius of your house.
You have no idea who their hoomans are though.
6. You’re at the dog park Every. Single. Day.
You actually kind of live there.
7. The local rescue groups and shelters know you by name.
Because you’re constantly trolling their sites.
8. When a dog you’ve been pimping out on social media gets adopted…
…you’re the FIRST person to offer congrats to the new puppy parents. Even though they have no idea who you are. Or how you found their PRIVATE Instagram.
9. The Queen of England has an APB out on you.
Because that hand? That’s yours.
10. When you see a cute little puppy gamboling along, you take a picture.
Then you upload it to DogSpotting with you photoshopped in as their hooman. Or actually, you would but the page has banned you. So you have your own Tumblr now filled with pictures of you and other people’s pups.
11. Your Netflix queue consists of everything doge.
It’s a little ridiculous. You also constantly have Dogs 101 on in the background.
12. The wallpaper on your laptop is puptastic.
It’s the slideshow that keeps growing and growing and growing. In fact, you’ve crashed your computer multiple times because of the amount of adorable pup pics you save.
13. The holiday card you send out to people this year is just a group pic of pups.
And only one of them is yours. (Sort of. It’s your mom and dad’s new puppy. That counts, right?).
14. You talk about puppies constantly.
Even in your sleep.
15. Finally, people call you the Dog Whisperer.
And no, it’s not because of your super-duper training skillz. It’s because you creepily whisper things like, “Cuuute,” “I looooove you,” and “My precious” into dogs ears whenever you see them.
Are you a puppy stalker? Let us know in the comments if you too are fuzz-obsessed. 🙂