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11 Rules My Dog Has For My Blind Date

11 Rules My Dog Has For My Blind Date

Hey, Sport. I hear you’re going on a date with my mom. Well, high paw, man. My mom RULES.

Seeing how I, her dog, have been (and always will be) the love of her life, I thought I would give you some pointers on how to woof-woo her! She’s a real special lady, and it’s going to take a lot more than sitting and coming on command to get into her good graces. So, sit down, and heed heel my advice

1. Don’t jump up on her when you first greet her, I know you’re excited (how could you not be) but it’s a little much.

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2. If you bring me your leftovers from dinner, I’ll act sad when you leave. If you don’t, I’ll bark your butt out the door – no pawblem. Scratch my belly, and I’ll scratch yours, bro.

3. She hates whining, begging, and leg humping.

 
 

4. Oh, and I know my mom is the ultimate catch, and you’re gonna wanna lock that down STAT, but definitely don’t start marking your territory. I can not stress enough how mad she’ll be if you start peeing on her.

 
5. She loves kisses. Use tongue. A lot of it. All over her face.

 
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6. And if you want her to scratch behind your ears, just subtly put your head on her lap and stare intently. Do not break eye contact. She’s smart as a whip-pet, and she’ll get the hint eventually.

 
7. Don’t follow her into the bathroom. I know, it seems crazy, but turns out she’s fine in there by herself.

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8. When you’re out playing fetch or play wrestling, she doesn’t mind a little nipping here and there if it’s gentle, but when she says “drop it” you better drop it, motherpuppr!

9. You’re only allowed in her bed if she invites you. You’ll know she’s inviting you when she pats the bed, and says “come up” in a high pitched voice. She’ll help you get up if you need it.

10. Most importantly, my mom is the teets. I would do anything for that woman, so treat her like the dog damn queen she is, ya heard!?

And if you ignore these tips and tricks and treats, well, hasta la Vizsla, bonehead. It’s the dog house for you.

11. Oh, and also, you’re not my real dad.

Featured Image via Expert Beacon

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