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The Best Dog Products Reviewed by Dogs, Translated by Humans

The Best Dog Products Reviewed by Dogs, Translated by Humans

Woof! Hello, my name is Olive.

Wait.

OMGBUNNY.

olive

I’m pleased to make your acquaintance. And might I add, you have a lovely smelling heiny? Aside from spending the day sleeping in sunbeams, drinking fancy water from that porcelain bowl, and warding off intruders such as the old lady next door and the mailman, I have big plans today.

Haven’t you ever wanted to know, from your dog’s perspective, what our favorite toys and products are? Well, listen up, pal. I’ve enlisted a few of my barktastic buds to give you some insight as to what makes us wag our tales in delight.

First up is my buddy Clyde.

clyde

He’s devilishly handsome, isn’t he? We run a business together so I know we can’t get involved. But WOOF! He’s a looker.

Clyde’s favorite toys in the whole world are his Jax & Bones rope toys.

clyde_panda

“Clyde here. I’m a sophisticated gentleman and these toys are right up my alley. First, I lovingly murdered the Panda. After that guy was shredded my mom brought home the octopus. I murdered him, too. What can I say? I just prefer my toys worn in. I’m a tough guy like that.” 

SWOON. That Clyde is a dreamboat.

My next pal, Kiowa, is actually my neighbor. We frequently get to sniff butts and hang out when our parents are drinking a beverage from a can that makes them do silly things.

kiowa

Kiowa’s favorite product is from my mom’s most loved store, Trader Joe’s. It’s glucosamine for dogs, which is helpful for the older dogs who are still puppies at heart.

“::SLURP:: You can keep that kiss. I know I’m getting older but I still feel like a pup. My mom and dad give me small pills that I’m pretty sure help with my joints. I don’t really care what they’re for as long as I get them delivered via peanut butter.” 

Kiowa’s mom says at the vet’s office and pet store these supplements can get pretty pricey, but at Trader Joe’s they’re as low as $10.

Bugsy, Kiowa’s grandmother’s dog, has been patiently waiting for me tell you guys about his pawsome product.

bugsy

Bugsy and his mama drive from Long Island to Florida several times every year. Obviously Bugsy is too important to just sit in the backseat. His favorite thing in the whole wide world is his Snoozer carseat.

“Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi! Did Olive just tell you guys about my carseat? I thought so. I love this thing, you guys. It keeps me strapped in so I know I’m safe but it also allows me to be comfortable while we’re trapped in this metal box for hours on end. I’m not really sure how it works but we always end up on the beach so I go along for the ride.  I kind of feel like I’m cheating the system because I see my other pals in their metal boxes and they don’t look nearly as comfy as me. Those mother puppers are suckers.”

Bugsy is a sassy little boy. A sassy little boy who loves his gosh darn carseat.

The final two products are from the same company, but are used slightly differently.

Lacy, my newest pal, is known for destroying her toys.

lacy

Her mom found a toy that Lacy can NOT destroy, and it’s been going strong for 7 months: The Kong Bone!

lacy_kong

“I’m just as sweet as I look but I do have a knack for destroying toys. It’s just so much fun to shred things! Mom got me a new toy that I can’t seem to take apart, but don’t think I’ve stopped trying. This toy is my life and I take it with me wherever I go. My mom thinks she’s outsmarting me by hiding treats inside of it, but I secretly act surprised every time just so she keeps stuffing more in there.”

The other toy from the Kong family is brought to us by Pirate:

pirate pirate_kong

Pirate loves her original Kong, and luckily it comes in all different sizes to fit just about any size pup.

“Hi! I’m Pirate! I know I make a big scene when you come over but it’s just because I’m oh, so very excited to see you!!! My mommy and daddy love me so much that one day they gave me my very own Kong!! I had seen a lot of other dogs with these, but I’m not sure if any others are lucky to enough to find PEANUT BUTTERRRRrrrrrrrrr inside!!!!!! Did I tell you how excited I am to see you?!”

These pooches have been testing products for most of their lives so I trust them when it comes to picking out favorites. I hope I’ve helped you find something good for your fur kid. Now, if you’ll excuse me I have a lot left on my agenda for today. You don’t seriously think that couch is going to get covered in dog hair all by itself, do you?

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