‘The Bachelorette’ As Told By Dogs

‘The Bachelorette’ As Told By Dogs

The Bachelorette is a cult classic. The ABC show features one woman who is looking for true love and, in the process, dates a whole pack of guys voting them out one-by-one by passive aggressively not giving them a rose. It’s dramatic, it’s outrageous, and it’s everything a reality television show should be.

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While we wait for Jojo to pick her suitor on the actual show, we decided to explain things our own way. Here is The Bachelorette, as told by dogs:

On the first episode of the season, the Bachelorette is introduced and will inevitably wear a super sassy dress.


There will be a great scene of her getting ready, and she will come out of the mansion looking like a supermodel.


After we meet the suitor, we get the absolute pleasure of being introduced to the 20+ guys that are ready to find love.


It will inevitably get a bit overwhelming for the Bachelorette.

I mean, they will be ALL over her. It’ll be a full-out battle for alone time.


Some of the guys will have adorable and silly gimmicks to win her over.


…And some of them will come on WAY too strong.


Some of the guys will have a pretty funny job title, like “Hipster.”


Or Country Music Singer. There will be guitars on the first night, and there will be serenading.


Occasionally there will be a former NFL player who will really stir stuff up.


The alcohol will be flowing at that first cocktail hour.


And some of the guys might have just a bit too much to drink.


Okay, maybe a little more than a bit. Someone will probably end up in the pool in their underwear.

After that first rose ceremony, the Bachelorette gets to go on a one-on-one date with a guy of her choice! Let the games begin!


Things will get steamy. Typically the date ends with slow-dancing and making out in front of a country singer who came to perform just for them.


And then the group dates will begin. And those guys will be chompin’ at the bit for some alone time with the Bachelorette.


Honestly, it’s a total sausage fest.


The group date will most likely consist of the boys doing some manly challenge, like playing football on an NFL field.


…and let’s be real, some of these guys just aren’t cut out for football. Or sports.

Sometimes the group date will end with a weird pool party.


And the guys will get real territorial.


There will be some fighting, some big talk, and some really nice guy trying to break it up.


Then there are a whole bunch of other super awkward one-on-one dates. Sometimes there’s an overtly-sensual hot yoga date that will get weird fast.


But it’ll still end with kissing. Lots and lots and lots of kissing.


There will most likely be a date that involves doing something super cool, like riding a helicopter or a yacht, or something else equally as luxurious.


Did we mention there’s a lot of kissing?


There’s the dreaded two-on-one date where someone is always the third wheel.


And the overnight date in the fantasy suite, which gets, ahem, intense.


But in the end, the Bachelorette will pick the love of her life. And they will live happily ever after (and probably have a televised, outrageous wedding)


Ah, puppy love!


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